


"I just found you. I can't lose you."

by freeleigh47



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Malec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2019-02-15 05:36:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13024359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freeleigh47/pseuds/freeleigh47
Summary: Hello all!This is my first fanfiction I am posting here! I started to write about Malec back in March after the mid season 2 finale, because I was going through serious withdrawal. Now 10 months and 176 word doc pages full of fanfiction later, I have decided to finally gather my nerve to post some of them :). Now these will be in totally random order. I mostly write extended scenes from the show, or sometimes draw inspiration from prompts I see on tumblr. I write a lot of fluff, lots of domestic Malec taking care of each other :)I decided to semi post in the order that I wrote them in, so hopefully they will keep improving. Enjoy!Come talk to me on twitter! (freeleigh47)





	"I just found you. I can't lose you."

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place sometime after the events of 2x4 and 2x10. (I also wrote this before season 2B premiered, wherein the Clave lied to the Downworlders that they indeed recovered the soul sword. In this scene, everyone knows the sword is missing)

Alec knows it is a dream, but somehow cannot make himself wake up. 

He is in the Institute with alarm bells screaming, seraph blade in hand, hunting a threat lurking in the shadows. Suddenly a pitch black mist clouds his vision and filled his lungs, making him stagger. Without knowing how he knew, he is now possessed by the very demon he was hunting. Still fully aware of his actions, he tries with everything he has to fight it, but he has no control over his body. Despite Alec fighting back with all his strength, his legs still move forward in protest, his arm still outstretch with his seraph blade in his grasp.   
Around the corner appears Magnus, his face flooding with relief. “Alec! As you say, thank the angel you’re ok.” Magnus outstretches his hand, then takes one look at Alec’s face and lets it fall. “The demons inside you, isn’t it.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Alec hears himself say, still not lowering his blade. 

Magnus takes a subtle step back. “Alec, my love, you can fight this.” Blue sparks start to form in Magnus’ palms, but the demon inside Alec is faster.   
Alec has dropped his blade, and his fingers are already starting to dig into Magnus’ chest. Magnus cries out in pain and his eyes widen in shock. 

“Alexander…I love you.” Magnus whispers, right as Alec drives his hand through to Magnus’ heart. 

 

“NO!!” Alec flies bolt upright in bed, trembling and shaking all over, cold sweat covering his face and body. He falls to the floor on his hands and knees, unable to breath, dry heaving.   
“Alexander?” Alec hears worriedly from the bed. He flies to his feet at the sound of Magnus’ alarmed voice, lest he hurt him again. Alec stumbles the few steps to the end of the room and his back slams against the wall. 

“Don’t, I don’t want to hurt you!” He shouts breathless and puts his hands out in a protective stance, staring at the floor.   
It takes him a moment of hyperventilating to be able to look up at the bed, where a bewildered Magnus is perched on the edge. Alec is momentarily distracted by his lack of shirt, but staring at his bare chest only brings back the nightmare in more vivid detail. Alec’s own hand shoving into Magnus’ chest flashes through his mind, and he must look away again.

“Alexander, it was only a dream, whatever you saw.” Magnus soothes, and slowly stands up from the bed. Alec continues to shake, huddled against the wall like a cornered animal, but doesn’t protest Magnus’ advances this time. The cloak of the dream around his mind is starting to fall away, reality taking over again, but the pain it left behind is still very real. Alec’s eyes well up with tears as Magnus crosses the remaining distance between them. 

Alec never lets anyone see him cry, he refuses to be that vulnerable in front of anyone, but the terror from his nightmare exploded through all his defenses. No one has ever had this power over him, until Magnus. Other than his family, he has never loved another person so fiercely, or feared losing them so much, as he now does with Magnus.   
Alec slides to the floor, and Magnus kneels down in front of him. 

“What did you see?” Magnus whispers, looking up into his eyes. 

“I..I..” Alec splutters, then suddenly grabs Magnus into a tight hug, needing to feel that he is truly alive and unharmed. He buries his face into Magnus’ neck, saying “I’m sorry” over and over again. Magnus rubs soothing circles into his back, Alec’s tank top slicked through with cold sweats. 

“It was just a dream, you have nothing to be sorry for.” Magnus whispers into his ear soothingly. 

Alec lifts his head and lets Magnus go, leaning back against the wall. Magnus waits patiently for him to speak. 

“I was back in the Institute, during the demon attack again.” Alec begins slowly. “But it was happening the same time as trying to get to the soul sword, so you were there.” He stops as he fights for control of his emotions, his eyes threatening to spill over tears. “Instead of being totally unaware while I was possessed, I remembered everything. But I had no control over my body. I could only watch. And I- the demon- did not kill Jocelyn this time. I killed you…and I watched your face as I did it.” 

Alec cannot help the tears that spill over now. He can’t look Magnus in the eyes or make the tears stop. He starts trembling again. Magnus wordlessly takes Alec’s hand, and places it over his heart. 

“It was not real, Alexander. This is real.” Alec feels the steady beating of Magnus’ heart through his chest. A rhythmic reminder that the love of his life is still alive; the love he almost lost forever. 

Magnus’ other hand gently tilts Alec’s chin up. “Look at me, Alexander. I am here, and I am safe. And that is because of you.” 

Magnus leans forward and takes Alec’s face in both hands, kissing the tear rolling down his cheek. He rests his forehead against Alec’s. 

Alec is still shuddering, the fear in his nightmare still so real. He could not handle losing Magnus; especially since losing Magnus would be his fault, if he could not find the soul sword in time.   
“You’re still not safe. The sword is still out there somewhere.” Alec looked into Magnus’ eyes as he pulls away slightly. 

“We can’t worry about that now. All the Shadowhunters and all of the Downworld are doing everything to find that sword. The responsibility does not fall solely on your shoulders Alexander.”

Alec looks back up into Magnus’ eyes. “I just found you.” He whispers. “I can’t lose you.” 

Magnus cups the back of Alec’s head. “You never will” he whispers. And then he is kissing Alec. 

So gently at first. It is a kiss to heal Alec’s pain, to reassure him. But Alec does not need gentle right now. He grabs Magnus’s face between his hands roughly and gasps against his mouth, the kiss catching fire. Magnus responds immediately, straddling Alec on the floor and pressing him up against the wall. Alec’s hands move to Magnus’ hips as the kisses get deeper and deeper, making Alec’s head dizzy with the taste of Magnus in his mouth. 

Alec clenches Magnus closely under his thighs as he stands up, Magnus still straddling Alec. As Alec rises up against the wall, Magnus slowly slides his legs down the outside of Alec’s so he is standing up, too. Surprising him, Magnus yanks Alec off the wall and leads him back over to the bed, tearing his wet tank top up and over his head in the process. Magnus runs his hands over the smooth and ridged planes of Alec’s stomach, making him shudder. 

Both of them breathing hard, Magnus falls on the bed on top of Alec, and his lips leave his momentarily to kiss Alec’s deflect rune on his neck. Alec lets out a pleased moan, and Magnus smiles against his neck, knowing how this drives him crazy. 

Magnus hovers over Alec, cupping the back of his head, Alec’s head raising slightly off the bed chasing Magnus’ lips. Magnus pauses, breathing him in. Breathing in everything about this Shadowhunter that he loves with all his heart and soul. This Shadowhunter who was so overcome with emotion about a dream, because he loves Magnus back just as whole heartedly, with his entire soul. Magnus looks down at Alec, the pure love in his eyes looking up at him, and his heart contracts. He covers Alec’s mouth again with his, unable to hold back one ounce of himself to this beautiful boy with the guilt of the world on his shoulders.


End file.
